Julie's musings on time
And so it begins. The first week in Guatemala I realized just how much I liked being busy. I mean what mom doesn't complain about not having time to rest or read or do just about anything by choice? So originally the idea of having untethered time seemed incredible. "Oh, the year off"," I told everyone, "We will have so much time to just be!" Well, the first day, I sat on the patio, then I sat on the terrace, then I made coffee and returned to those places.... I read books, I read my Bible, I talked to my kids, we played games (every game we brought), I thought deep thoughts and then it was lunchtime. "Lord have mercy what am I going to do?" I thought to myself. How many time have I quoted "Be still and know that I am God" to myself. For me that seemed to say, "When you are in the carpool line and have fifteen minutes don't waste the time -spend it in my presence." So now that I have more time than I know what to do with, I find myself hesitating to be still. Once I am still I have to wrestle with who I am, what I know to be true and how that matters. If I stay busy, if I let the tyranny of urgency be my guide I can feel good about myself and my desire to "be still". So after a week of absolutely nothing to accomplish, no lists to check off, I realized I have a lot to learn this year. I am humbled by the fact that I have desired something I don't even understand how to appreciate yet. I have a lot to understand about the idea of living intentionally.
